297

eyes closed running in circles on the grass in the field.
i see you there staring into the earth, trees and grass and all,
dirt waiting to get into your fingernails and all.

trip over your legs, fall on to your back, i scream and tell you i'm sorry and rub my hurt.
you flip over and give me tickles between kisses. i cry and i say i’m stupid but you say no.

296

when you ask me why i like you, all i can ever think of is "because you are lovely".
i do not know enough words
to describe
why
i am so fond of you, except for that and those.
there are maybe a thousand ways,
a thousand tiny little things you do
that catch my eye.
we're watching tv,
we're walking down the street,
we are asleep.
your skin, your flesh, your bones. and don't forget your breath on my cheek.

295: a list

summer at the cottage.
occasional breeze.
sun is always either rising or setting.
we have no inbetweens and no highlowtemperatures.
water footprints down the road.
sky too blue to be true.

294

you are sweet and i love you even though i am sad,
and i tell it to you secretly in your mouth and skin even though i don't say it through words.

i say it through my own skin and fingers and eyes: i hope you knew or even noticed once or twice.
i don't want to say it out loud,
because the sound of my voice ruins everything, it seems,
because when i whisper in your sleep it sounds so cliche
and i don't want that,
i don't want any of that,
i want only you.

293: a list

you on the roof.
autumn parade.
empty glass of iced coffee.
hoody we stole from the thrift store.

292

i never told you about this:
when we finally packed everything and moved it outside, the house sat so steadily.
for the first time it seemed, the floor stopped crying so loud
and the ceilings grew higher than before.
you were waiting in the car, honking impatiently,
broken radio signal but you listened anyway.
i took what energy was left in my fists and used them to break the windows and kick my feet at the dirty bricks of our fireplace
and smear my bloody palms all over our white walls and when you have honked more than fifty times i decided that it was time to leave
and never
come
back
again.

291

waves crashing
like broken daughters in a fight.
leave them all behind, barbarella, twisterlla, tinkerbell mouth mouse trap left in the doorway
don't step on it
it might grab you and throw you into the sea,
waves crashing,
like broken daughters in a fight.
leave us all behind, tiny little ants among buildings tall as grass,
giant footsteps,
remember the joy of sleeping.

i just miss you i guess.

290

i wake you in the night to tell you i can't stop thinking about you,
and you think it's a dream still, or it's not morning, or something something.
bags under your eyes full of groceries,
speaking of which - we need to get some tomorrow.

but i wake you up in the middle of the night to tell you that i already knew
from the first time i saw you that we can't be friends
i can't speak to you
i can't touch you
without electrocuting myself closer to death,
(you blink)
but i have done so and i did and i did,
(you blink)
i only feel elevated,
i don't even care if i die.
(you blink and kiss and close your eyes back to your awaiting slumber)

289

home in the rainy city,
a tree that never gets watered still blooms with no sunny help.
colonial education, hungry fingers
reaching for cookies
and tea.

there are three porcelain jars full of those up on top shelf.

time passes slowly here but it's december so quick so soon.
yesterday i laughed and thought about rolling down that hill in july.
time passes slowly here but it's december so soon.
that only means i'll be home a few days closer.