do you ever get the feeling of wanting to be hurt?
i want to be punched in the gut,
i want to get cut on my arms.
i want to fight back so hard that my knuckles bleed and my eyes blur and i want everything to spinspinspin spin around until it all becomes black and and spotted with white dots under my eyelids and and
i'll throw up my guts and pools of blood.
my lungs, my stomach, my heart.
i won't be able to breathe quite properly,
but i'll stumble away holding my stomach and the wall,
feeling nothing else but a little bit of defeat and a lot of victory.
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