music is beautiful.
open your ears, you can hear it,
open your mouth and taste it,
close your eyes and dream it.
28 February 2009
174
when it rains i think of you.
it's like architecture, wood on wood, connected by nails in a board
and the raindrops are the nails.
so hammer those gently into my flesh
through the tips of my toes, joints, bare feet on cold floor.
deep into my skull, engraving anthems,
tastes like your eyes.
i never want it to stop raining, you know,
but today is such a gorgeous sunny day.
it's like architecture, wood on wood, connected by nails in a board
and the raindrops are the nails.
so hammer those gently into my flesh
through the tips of my toes, joints, bare feet on cold floor.
deep into my skull, engraving anthems,
tastes like your eyes.
i never want it to stop raining, you know,
but today is such a gorgeous sunny day.
27 February 2009
173
old asian woman,
crossing the street unhurriedly at an intersection,
cars on both sides, like moses opening up the sea.
in her life, she's killed one thousand bugs in her palm
broken four hearts,
seen her own blood on three different continents.
she never thought she'd live past seventy,
and constantly anticipates her legs to give out underneath her feeble yet heavy bag of bones.
shaking, she crosses the street lazily at an intersection,
and with my body pressed against the window in my room, i watch her, knowing i'd never live past forty.
crossing the street unhurriedly at an intersection,
cars on both sides, like moses opening up the sea.
in her life, she's killed one thousand bugs in her palm
broken four hearts,
seen her own blood on three different continents.
she never thought she'd live past seventy,
and constantly anticipates her legs to give out underneath her feeble yet heavy bag of bones.
shaking, she crosses the street lazily at an intersection,
and with my body pressed against the window in my room, i watch her, knowing i'd never live past forty.
26 February 2009
172
your arms cradle me at night time in the street
where headlights are reflected on the shiny ground
suddenly, i remember it was raining earlier,
then i forget again then suddenly remember.
when will you kiss me in this lovely weather?
when will you make me feel light as a feather?
your eyes smiling into tiny little lines in my palms,
chest breathing
when will it no longer be winter?
where headlights are reflected on the shiny ground
suddenly, i remember it was raining earlier,
then i forget again then suddenly remember.
when will you kiss me in this lovely weather?
when will you make me feel light as a feather?
your eyes smiling into tiny little lines in my palms,
chest breathing
when will it no longer be winter?
25 February 2009
171
children jumping into puddles,
splashing water on me,
i don't care to get wet today through my toes.
stompstompstomping in tiny pink boots in the rain,
covering tiny little feet, the size of my ears.
today was a good day,
like three elephants, as big as a snow covered hill.
splashing water on me,
i don't care to get wet today through my toes.
stompstompstomping in tiny pink boots in the rain,
covering tiny little feet, the size of my ears.
today was a good day,
like three elephants, as big as a snow covered hill.
24 February 2009
170
he put his gentle hands on my body
and touched where i had been burned
all those months ago, days piled like bricks,
building a house so fragile a yawn would collapse it.
and so i yawned every morning and yawned every night,
hoping these days would break on me.
and they did,
destroyed all the bones in my feet, until i couldn't stand
up straight
until i couldn't stand it.
i'll rebuild my house this time, on a hill next to the ocean
with a basement so wide and deep it'll reach around the earth
and back again.
then in the grey weather, in my beautiful house, he'll touch me again where i had been burned.
i won't flinch,
singing softly the words "my life is not a tragedy".
and touched where i had been burned
all those months ago, days piled like bricks,
building a house so fragile a yawn would collapse it.
and so i yawned every morning and yawned every night,
hoping these days would break on me.
and they did,
destroyed all the bones in my feet, until i couldn't stand
up straight
until i couldn't stand it.
i'll rebuild my house this time, on a hill next to the ocean
with a basement so wide and deep it'll reach around the earth
and back again.
then in the grey weather, in my beautiful house, he'll touch me again where i had been burned.
i won't flinch,
singing softly the words "my life is not a tragedy".
23 February 2009
22 February 2009
168
i bet if i asked you, you would remember it too
that time we rubbed our feet together in the cold,
under a white blanket, in a bed twice as big as us.
outside, the wind was howling,
but the snow was quiet
and so were we, kissing in whispers.
"do you love me?" and you'll nod and nod and blink and nod into the morning,
nod into the summer.
i held your hand secretly on the bus all the time.
you did too like you'd never let go,
but in your head you already wiped me out, uncarved my name from your memory,
and everyone saw our fingers locked anyway.
it doesn't matter now. i already let go too, a long time ago
i finally don't give a shit about you
not even a little bit.
that time we rubbed our feet together in the cold,
under a white blanket, in a bed twice as big as us.
outside, the wind was howling,
but the snow was quiet
and so were we, kissing in whispers.
"do you love me?" and you'll nod and nod and blink and nod into the morning,
nod into the summer.
i held your hand secretly on the bus all the time.
you did too like you'd never let go,
but in your head you already wiped me out, uncarved my name from your memory,
and everyone saw our fingers locked anyway.
it doesn't matter now. i already let go too, a long time ago
i finally don't give a shit about you
not even a little bit.
21 February 2009
167: when summer comes
when it's summer time, we are going to cut through hillsides,
cross miles of stony bridges, flip over rocks,
discover the hideouts of tiny insects and crabs,
until a polaroid sunset,
next to a tall cliff we never intended to climb back.
when it gets dark, i know i will get cold and scared,
because i'm mostly made of indecision and nervousness that collide with my pride.
but you probably would have had my hand in yours since the morning,
and then for an entire week without letting go.
so no, i won't be worried.
every afternoon, you're going to examine and ask me about my tiny fingers,
no longer wrapped in warm winter's mittens.
compare them to yours, and my god,
how can they write words that make your skin float like feathers?
just line up our finger prints.
my fears will melts like ice along with the concrete into the night sky.
and you'll ask me about my tiny teeth too, hidden behind stiff lips.
these belong to me, i'll never hesitate to press them against yours.
but you'll still ask me, how can i whisper words and breathe them through the cracks of my teeth?
how can i still sing every night, when each time i open my mouth, my throat rips,
my tongue bleeds,
my jaw dislocates?
my answer will always be "i don't mind" in a voice like a pebble,
because that's the truth and i'll repeat it forever
when i'm chasing you in the summer time.
cross miles of stony bridges, flip over rocks,
discover the hideouts of tiny insects and crabs,
until a polaroid sunset,
next to a tall cliff we never intended to climb back.
when it gets dark, i know i will get cold and scared,
because i'm mostly made of indecision and nervousness that collide with my pride.
but you probably would have had my hand in yours since the morning,
and then for an entire week without letting go.
so no, i won't be worried.
every afternoon, you're going to examine and ask me about my tiny fingers,
no longer wrapped in warm winter's mittens.
compare them to yours, and my god,
how can they write words that make your skin float like feathers?
just line up our finger prints.
my fears will melts like ice along with the concrete into the night sky.
and you'll ask me about my tiny teeth too, hidden behind stiff lips.
these belong to me, i'll never hesitate to press them against yours.
but you'll still ask me, how can i whisper words and breathe them through the cracks of my teeth?
how can i still sing every night, when each time i open my mouth, my throat rips,
my tongue bleeds,
my jaw dislocates?
my answer will always be "i don't mind" in a voice like a pebble,
because that's the truth and i'll repeat it forever
when i'm chasing you in the summer time.
20 February 2009
166
when they touch me, they burn fevers in my body,
that create holes where you'll pour your eyes all over, to the bottom.
nothing can kill me,
not even your rotting spirit,
not a single word,
not a single mountain.
that create holes where you'll pour your eyes all over, to the bottom.
nothing can kill me,
not even your rotting spirit,
not a single word,
not a single mountain.
19 February 2009
165
don't tell me any of your secrets,
because i already know when you sleep walk and sleep talk around my house.
on silent nights, when even ghosts are whispering,
i'll listen for your quiet murmurs,
telling lonely tales of cruelty and hunger,
telling me how you are weighing you down.
because i already know when you sleep walk and sleep talk around my house.
on silent nights, when even ghosts are whispering,
i'll listen for your quiet murmurs,
telling lonely tales of cruelty and hunger,
telling me how you are weighing you down.
18 February 2009
164
what is that smell?
i know there is a man outside the door and he is crying,
hands buried into his face, knees in his stomach, choking on fresh puke,
blood pumping through inadequate veins.
i can hear him and taste his sad behind these walls and cabinets.
nothing blends and nothing mixes.
"did she smoke her dry tobacco cigarettes after you fucked her?"
yesyesyes, and i want to ask, "where are your children? where is your wedding ring?"
my boss wants to raise her fees,
because nothing blends and nothing mixes here.
i know there is a man outside the door and he is crying,
hands buried into his face, knees in his stomach, choking on fresh puke,
blood pumping through inadequate veins.
i can hear him and taste his sad behind these walls and cabinets.
nothing blends and nothing mixes.
"did she smoke her dry tobacco cigarettes after you fucked her?"
yesyesyes, and i want to ask, "where are your children? where is your wedding ring?"
my boss wants to raise her fees,
because nothing blends and nothing mixes here.
17 February 2009
163
sleep opens my body like heaven from the earth,
i spill out all memories and my shaking voice.
and is this the damned place i've lived since birth?
is this all my soul is worth?
i was born deaf and dumb by choice
but come lie next to me anyway, whisper me some noise.
i spill out all memories and my shaking voice.
and is this the damned place i've lived since birth?
is this all my soul is worth?
i was born deaf and dumb by choice
but come lie next to me anyway, whisper me some noise.
16 February 2009
162
i am summer in july, i am in love.
everything else might as well be dead,
like conductors carried out to sea, a billion passengers on their backs.
if you listen well, sugar, pry open these cracks,
tonight is my wedding, and i'm marrying a dove.
15 February 2009
161
one two three and one to three,
trip over me and make me choke,
like our bodies will be, between my sheets,
arms twisting a hundred and eighty degrees.
trip over me and make me choke,
like our bodies will be, between my sheets,
arms twisting a hundred and eighty degrees.
14 February 2009
160
i want to keep your pretty eyes in my pocket
on the inside of my jacket, close to my chest.
at night, i'll put them on the pillow next to me
so you can watch me twist and turn,
watch me grab at seams and scratch at bones.
and i'm sure these dreams will be mine:
swimming in the deep blue of your eyes,
feeling this ocean run between my fingers,
feet fumbling to feel some solid ground,
because water makes me weightless and you lift me with your words.
we all struggle sometimes, but i know we won't give up.
on the inside of my jacket, close to my chest.
at night, i'll put them on the pillow next to me
so you can watch me twist and turn,
watch me grab at seams and scratch at bones.
and i'm sure these dreams will be mine:
swimming in the deep blue of your eyes,
feeling this ocean run between my fingers,
feet fumbling to feel some solid ground,
because water makes me weightless and you lift me with your words.
we all struggle sometimes, but i know we won't give up.
13 February 2009
159
i dream of girls with beautiful skin that caresses you in your deepest sleep on sunday morning when the sun is still down beneath the maple tree,
straight to the ground,
so let them wait.
i say these dreams are far from real and real is what we feel when these suspicious sleepwalking girls fumble into the night, vanishing through the sky.
i say, i say, i say,
let them wait.
straight to the ground,
so let them wait.
i say these dreams are far from real and real is what we feel when these suspicious sleepwalking girls fumble into the night, vanishing through the sky.
i say, i say, i say,
let them wait.
12 February 2009
11 February 2009
157: spring is coming
oh lover, can we explore forever?
must we plant our feet into the ground of our boring cities?
i want to touch the tip of every child's nose,
i want to watch every gull break its wings in the sudden rush of southern waves.
i don't need this education, i learned all i need to know,
from writing, making art and making love and kissing you.
so come, come, can we ditch this place?
i just want to live, i just want to grow.
must we plant our feet into the ground of our boring cities?
i want to touch the tip of every child's nose,
i want to watch every gull break its wings in the sudden rush of southern waves.
i don't need this education, i learned all i need to know,
from writing, making art and making love and kissing you.
so come, come, can we ditch this place?
i just want to live, i just want to grow.
10 February 2009
156
i say i'm lucky to be alive,
so i can watch people eating fruit
and feel your hand in mine!
i want to ring wedding bells,
and watch teenagers give each other bite marks on forearms.
i'll lead, and you can follow,
until the vibrations from these kids' cellphones become a song,
as heart breaking as the one i sang in tenth grade,
pulling my lips apart,
teeth apart,
do-re-mi into the night sky.
so i can watch people eating fruit
and feel your hand in mine!
i want to ring wedding bells,
and watch teenagers give each other bite marks on forearms.
i'll lead, and you can follow,
until the vibrations from these kids' cellphones become a song,
as heart breaking as the one i sang in tenth grade,
pulling my lips apart,
teeth apart,
do-re-mi into the night sky.
09 February 2009
155
if i could, did you know i'd follow you anywhere?
a million miles into the bottom of the sea,
i'd touch all the fish with trembling fingers,
these tiny vibrations from bone through skin, hidden by the water current that pushes us back home right where we belong.
a million miles into the bottom of the sea,
i'd touch all the fish with trembling fingers,
these tiny vibrations from bone through skin, hidden by the water current that pushes us back home right where we belong.
08 February 2009
154
you thought you fell on him
but he was not there to catch you,
i know he won't be there next time,
so stopstopstop and get some rest.
but he was not there to catch you,
i know he won't be there next time,
so stopstopstop and get some rest.
07 February 2009
153: happy
whoever zeroes in on this perfect melody
will know that the song wrote itself,
quickly and quietly in my head,
on the way home, laughing, my throat ripping and swallowing blood.
yeah, it was a good time, it's always a good time.
i know this, because this perfect song wrote itself,
just like buildings and grass know to grow upwards towards the sun,
these notes flew into my head,
through my ears, then out between my teeth.
it's so pretty and i promise you i will keep on singing it.
will know that the song wrote itself,
quickly and quietly in my head,
on the way home, laughing, my throat ripping and swallowing blood.
yeah, it was a good time, it's always a good time.
i know this, because this perfect song wrote itself,
just like buildings and grass know to grow upwards towards the sun,
these notes flew into my head,
through my ears, then out between my teeth.
it's so pretty and i promise you i will keep on singing it.
06 February 2009
152
tread in my shoes, you.
i am the ghost writer,
i am the car driver,
i can't take you home but i'll take you next door.
i am the ghost writer,
i am the car driver,
i can't take you home but i'll take you next door.
05 February 2009
151
life is a tiny gift.
because soon, i'll be tasting your breath in a sun-filled bedroom,
my eyes wide open, peeking at your skin,
brushing on our awkward arms.
this is what i want, and this is what i'll have,
but if i ripped open the sky for a thousand years, it would still not be enough.
did you know, dear friend?
in this life,
i am most likely to commit the most evil greed,
and him the most evil envy,
because he knows each time i wrote and each time i write from that moment on, he is no longer you,
and you are no longer him.
because soon, i'll be tasting your breath in a sun-filled bedroom,
my eyes wide open, peeking at your skin,
brushing on our awkward arms.
this is what i want, and this is what i'll have,
but if i ripped open the sky for a thousand years, it would still not be enough.
did you know, dear friend?
in this life,
i am most likely to commit the most evil greed,
and him the most evil envy,
because he knows each time i wrote and each time i write from that moment on, he is no longer you,
and you are no longer him.
04 February 2009
150: for the night
and then night came!
how i love the night...
clouds block the dark sky that never reveals its stars.
but look, i can see city windows turning into them,
brightening up my secretly bitter world.
and when i take my glasses off, my vision blurs
and blurs
and b l u r s into a beauty i can't explain to anyone else.
these moving orbs of light on the roads are mine,
the teethless people walking past me,
and the fuzzy smoke in my face from a companion's cigarette.
all of this is beautiful and mine.
yes yes yes, this is the night!
this is the same night those years slip away from the breath of old, shrinking women in their gentle sleep,
the same night and same sleep of birds, of critters, of ships,
and this is when i am dreaming
it is also when i am most alive.
how i love the night...
clouds block the dark sky that never reveals its stars.
but look, i can see city windows turning into them,
brightening up my secretly bitter world.
and when i take my glasses off, my vision blurs
and blurs
and b l u r s into a beauty i can't explain to anyone else.
these moving orbs of light on the roads are mine,
the teethless people walking past me,
and the fuzzy smoke in my face from a companion's cigarette.
all of this is beautiful and mine.
yes yes yes, this is the night!
this is the same night those years slip away from the breath of old, shrinking women in their gentle sleep,
the same night and same sleep of birds, of critters, of ships,
and this is when i am dreaming
it is also when i am most alive.
03 February 2009
149
suddenly, my mouth is on fire.
with this fire, i'll light stars and moons,
so that the whole universe will glow and guide you home,
safely from my room.
02 February 2009
01 February 2009
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